I'm losing control!

The last two weeks have revealed another aspect of my relationship with God that I had to be reminded of AGAIN!

This morning God revealed to me the answer!

Let me back up.

For two weeks my wife thought something was wrong with me. She would ask daily, if I am OK? On Monday evening I received an email from Beth who was with me on my prayer walk that morning. She asked in her email are you OK? Yesterday Jeff asked me if everything was OK? At dinner last night my eldest asked if I was depressed?

I felt like I was having an out of body experience.

I thought I was fine, but everyone else was seeing something I wasn't.

I know I had a lot of work to come back to after two weeks of vacation that was expected.

Yesterday I wasn't feeling that great I had a really bad headache!

Outside of all that was going on, I knew deep down something wasn't right, but it wasn't obvious to me.

What was happening? I could sense that feeling I had back in mid '90s. That summer I went through a significant bought of depression. I struggled that summer because I felt like things were falling apart and I had lost control.

My business at the time was struggling quite a bit, I wasn't sure we were going to make it. At the same time, I had my identity stolen from me and some stranger in Colorado had rung up over $15,000 of charges at different stores. My credit was in shambles!

Everyone had their own opinion of what I needed to do. Take some medication or go see a shrink.

My wife and close friends thought I might be suicidal. The depression continued for several months, until I realized what was happening.

A spiritual battle was going on inside my soul. What does that look like?

The struggle you have when you don't want to let go control of your life. You don't want God to take over.Your afraid of what God might ask you to do. Your afraid of the unknown.

That summer I came to realize that I had to give it ALL to God. Do I actually believe what the Bible teaches? Does God really love me that much?

This morning on my drive to Northminster it occurred to me that I had fallen into a trap of mediocrity!

I was going through the motions for the last two weeks without expecting God to do anything. I was on auto pilot. I moved from one thing to the next! I had lost IT!

Don't misunderstand me!

My relationship with Christ isn't solely based on something miraculous happening every day!

I will admit that I am an emotional guy that loves to get excited about what God is doing! I love seeing him show himself strong every day!

This morning I realized that God wants me to pray with FAITH that things WILL happen! I don't need them to happen to know God is with me.

God's timing is always on time and I need to release that control over to Him.

I realized today that I need to let God have it ALL!

I'm losing control over to God!